Note for My Self: On Self Worth, Relationships and Life
The worst thing that you can do is base your value on how the other person treats you.
By Arjuna Maria
That only means that you only base your self-worth on the other person's approval, validation and attention towards you. You slowly depend on this for your survival, which ultimately shock you to see the reality of your dependence when your needs are unmet. This happens when you felt unloved and not good enough as you are when you were a child. For you, it would feel like you need to perform, do good, achieve and be anything more than what you already are. You are eager to please. Whatever they fail to do, you blame yourself for not being enough.
“You expect them to understand your needs, you expect them to fulfill it but knowing in your mind that you do not show them how you take care of yourself.”
You fail to look out for yourself. You have abandoned yourself for the other.. You forgot to take care of yourself and put your self first that is why people feel it is okay to walk all over you. They see that you do not respect yourself enough to take care of yourself. You always say YES to things that feel NO, because you are afraid they will get upset and withdraw the love they show and give you. They know that you are hungry for a little bit of their attention.
You keep looking for people, places, things, and achievements to finally fulfill your lack of 'self-worth.' You fail to appreciate yourself as you are and allow people to treat you in whatever way they like to the point of breaking your boundaries and limits as a person. You place other's people's need over your own and feel empty, resentful and act like the victim in the end. The cycle perpetuates. Your reality becomes a nightmare.
“Everything that is easy is not worth it in the end.”
That is why this life gives you the chance to relive those unsolved issues in childhood, in order to develop your character for the worse or the better. Usually, it plays out in our close relationships. We can ask 'Why this person is in our life, and what purpose do they serve?'
Your heart and soul will guide you when it feels right. When you finally have come to the realization of what keeps going wrong and why you suffer. When you finally break free from blaming your self and others for whatever wrong is going in your life, you finally pick up the pieces and slowly come back to your authentic self.
People who do not see your worth will slowly distance themselves because tricks won't work with you, or yet, they do not work anymore.
When you have come to the place that you have finally said thanks to the hurt, pain, disappointments that life naturally brings - then you can be the Master of your own life. And realize that, nothing is wrong with you, it may look like you have it harder than the others but God knows his Creation, all unfolds for your good in the end, it is for your realization that you are Enough as you are because you exist. You are already worthy just by being here.
Nobody can tell you your worth, only when you allow them to do so. Do not fall prey to the falseness of words or even flattering actions. So please, take care of yourself. Put your self first and foremost. Do what feels good to you, keep finding your spark (things that light you up) and stop taking what others people do personally.. Whatever they do is their path, their own life and even if you share a life together, you have no control of it, you have no control of another person but only ultimately, your own. You can either be defeated by circumstances or find ways to create a better circumstance for your life. Nobody owes you anything, but everything we have is owed to God.
The choice is yours, navigate your issues on your own or with another is a choice, both are work, both paths are fulfilling and there is no right or wrong, only experiences and lessons as we go along.
And maybe, if you are lucky, an aligned soul will see that spark in you, and appreciate you effortlessly, authentically without judgments and without masks. Just appreciating your existence in this world as a magnificent piece of God's creation. A reflection of God's love. In their eyes, your existence alone is a blessing.
Much love to you, thank you for reading..
